It probably is. There is a name for it, it’s called Love Bombing and one could easily fall for it. Let me tell you more about Love Bombing and what signs to look out for.
What is Love Bombing?
Love Bombing as the name suggests is when someone showers you with an exaggerated amount of attention, affection, and interest which normally happens in the very beginning phase of a relationship. What first feels like a Disney movie is actually step one into gaining control and easily being able to manipulate the other person.
What are the signs of Love Bombing?
You are probably wondering how to know if you’re being “Love-Bombed” which is a very normal question to ask and generally quite difficult to identify. I mean, couldn’t it be that he is genuinely in love and/or interested? Yes, of course. But there are some things that you may be on the lookout for. Here are some examples that I personally experienced:
- Constant phoning/ texting: This is a very typical one, at the beginning when you just met someone and connect, it’s normal that you get excited about each other and want to stay in touch at all times. However, too much is too much and it feels like it.
- Asking a lot of questions about you: “So sweet! He’s really interested in knowing everything about me!” “He’s such. a great listener”. That’s what I also thought at first. He wasn’t, this is the way to learn everything that he can later use to manipulate, control and abuse you. Knowing your likes, dislikes, interests, your vulnerabilities, your stories, “and emotional baggage”, will allow them to later know exactly what buttons to push to get the right emotions from you. Note if he shares just as much about him too.
- Says everything you want to hear. Sure, they know a lot about you, so with that info, they can easily adapt their personality to you, making you believe that you are so alike and so in sync, you might be soul mates.
- Asking a lot of questions about your day and whereabouts. Again, this might feel like a genuine interest in your life, your safety, and your well-being but what it’s hiding behind it is the need to control your every move.
- Says I love you too fast. This might be the biggest red flag during the love bombing phase. You just met, and despite the obvious connection you’re still getting to know each other but he drops the Love word. Sure it’s flattering and we want to believe it, but if it feels too early, it might just be. The same goes for “You’re the one”.
- They want to “save you”. This is very typical of someone with abusive traits. They present themselves as someone that will protect and “save you”, making you feel safe and cared for but the other side of their protective medal is overly controlling and manipulative.
- Shower you with Gifts. During this phase they will do anything to catch you on their web like, buying you gifts, taking you on expensive dates etc. They are trying to impress you and keep you interested.
- They surprise you. I was once seeing a guy for a few weeks and he showed up at my door at 5h30 am, knowing that, that is the time I normally go to the gym. He said he wanted to surprise me and take me to the gym. On one hand, I felt that it was a cute gesture but deep in my stomach that felt very weird, incredibly invasive, and controlling. And that’s what it is, it’s a way of controlling.
How do you know if it’s Love Bombing or genuine interest?
It’s very difficult to tell the difference. One or two of the signs above alone does not evidence that you are about to fall for someone abusive. Some people, my husband included, showed some of those signs as well at the beginning of our relationship but they were out of authentic care and love. The best advice I can give you, follow your gut. If it feels “off”, believe your own instinct and keep your eyes open. Don’t dismiss the red flags because you want to believe them, it will cost you later.
But there is a way to “test” them ….
Set boundaries. If excessive texting bothers you, kindly ask them to slow it down. If the surprises are too much ask them to respect your privacy and need for space. Whatever it is that you might think is a lot, have a conversation with them, kindly but assertively express your needs and wants and see how they react. Abusive people, will most likely not react well to that. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to have conversations about that without worrying about how the other person is going to react. If they get angry, upset, victimize themselves or even call you ungrateful, then you should already know. Follow your gut, always.
Why do we fall for it?
Don’t blame yourself or make yourself wrong for falling for it. I have always considered myself to be a strong, smart independent woman and would never think i could have fallen for such thing. But you know what? I was and I am all those things, and just because I have a good heart and want to see the good in people it doesnt make me a bad person or even “stupid”. The same applies to you. They are experts on what they do and it is not your fault. However, the reason we mostly fall for love bombing its because we are not completely connected with ourselves, our inner child, our needs. We see the good in others and tend to “people please” rather than building boundaries. The best way to avoid falling for it again is to 1. Educate yourself and learn the signs to watch out for and 2. work on your self-love and connection with yourself. Not sure how? I can help you. Schedule a free discovery call with me and let’s work on it together.